Female Trouble

May 5, 2022 - The relevance of this essay from 2012 (now updated) is a sad testament to the insanity that surrounds the issues of  female self-determination, family planning, contraception and abortion, seemingly the most important things in the world to the conservatives among us. With the SCOTUS poised to eliminate federal protections for abortion rights, my observations from a decade ago are still painfully obvious and devastating - Oblio

Preface: this is a rant about the systematic misogyny and anti-woman legislative attacks being carried out by the Regressive Conservatives in Congress and state houses across the country. If you don’t believe there’s a ‘War On Women’ taking place in our modern political discourse, then you're either not paying attention, don’t care, or live in a world without women (a sad and lonely place, indeed). 

I'm not a woman, so I'll assume that some of the nuances involved in this essay will never EVER be completely self-evident to me. However, I feel like I have more female-centric empathy than the Average Bear. A staunchly conservative female co-worker once described me as ‘the gayest straight man’ she’d ever known, and I took that as an honest compliment because that's how she meant it. 

I don't understand the current hysteria being screeched by Conservatives over family planning, contraception, abortion and the subject of women’s healthcare. It’s the antediluvian mindset that's brainwashed those who would limit, restrict or eliminate a woman’s right to make decisions about her body. The entire (mostly male) segment of our Right-leaning politicians and citizenry are bound and determined to take us back to the days when women were chattel, owned outright by their male overlords. Don't forget... it wasn't until 1920 that women were allowed to vote.

“If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.” – Florynce Kennedy 

It isn’t simply a case of Regressives not wanting ‘their’ tax dollars used for things they don’t really consider healthcare. It’s actually an overreaching ploy to establish and maintain authority and control over women’s individual rights and life choices. Regressives need to feel they have control over women, and the fake-pious Rethuglicans keep sticking their size 10’s into their mouths with every pronouncement of how they'll assert control over female bodies, specifically the uterus. 

It's fascinating that the same folks who espouse the concepts of Smaller Government and States Rights and Personal Freedom and all that… want the federal government to force women to simply roll the dice when it comes to having sexual relations. If they wind up preggers, oh well… GOD’S WILL. 

They don't just want to eliminate family planning, contraception and abortion. They want theocratic control over women’s physical lives to match a stilted vision of 'How Things Should Be', as directed by that Great Eye In The Sky and his minions on Earth who wear dresses in church and rape young boys in the small rooms behind the altar, with the visage of a mythical dying man nailed to a torture device, hanging on-high, exalted. 

Is that too harsh? Too bad… deal with it. I have no patience for uninformed, narrow-minded religiosity when it comes to the issue of women's reproductive rights. 

Fact: 98% of women in this country use, will use or have used some form of contraception in their lifetimes. Since they're uniquely equipped to give birth, it only stands to reason that each and every woman must have the ability... the right... the choice to conceive and give birth or not as they see fit, and this is specifically a women’s health issue. It has nothing to do with religious freedom.

"Keep your rosaries off my ovaries" -- anonymous bumper sticker 

Let me be clear on something before I continue with my little rant: I totally accept that there are lots of people who consider every aspect of my viewpoint on this issue as a non-starter. For them, anything that interferes or obstructs the natural process of conception is an abortifacient. For them, anyone who willfully terminates a pregancy before giving birth is guilty of MURDER. I understand their arguments, but as has been confirmed (up to now LOL) by the Supreme Court and in countless surveys, studies and polls, the vast majority (70%+) of Americans are pro-choice and support a woman's right to choose whether or not to conceive and/or give birth. 

I will always respect an individual's right to believe what they choose to believe, but there's only one set of facts here. Facts and reality do not support those who, as the result of their own personal beliefs,  vehemently oppose and want to eliminate access to family planning, contraception and abortion for everyone else. 

OK, back to the ranting. 

I hate to break it to the forced-birthers out there, but here’s a news flash: contraception is a modern woman’s RIGHT, not a privilege or some special gift that requires anyone’s approval or blessing. Limiting and/or eliminating access to family planning, contraception and (as a natural progression) abortion services does NOTHING to advance the role of women in our society. Limitations to these services only holds women back, hostages to their evolutionary role as progenitors of the species. Women aren't simply walking uteri, mammalian vessels whose sole purpose is to give birth and make dinner, a concept championed by the uber-religious on behalf of their Unseen Sky Wizard and his ghost-written magnum opus. 

“If men could get pregnant, they’d sell do-it-yourself abortion kits at Home Depot.” – anonymous bumper sticker 

Women are half of our citizenry. Women are more than half of our workforce. Women deserve to be treated with the same respect as men at every level of our society. HOWEVER… since men will never EVER be put in a position to have their bodies taken over by the process of childbearing, women also have a far heavier burden of responsibility towards procreation. Therefore, since women are solely responsible for gestation of the unborn, it's logical to conclude that ONLY women should decide whether to conceive and give birth or not, and must have at their disposal every option and opportunity to exercise that choice. It's the only civilized response to their singular status. It’s not that difficult a concept to grasp. 

I've often posed the concept that women, as a member of the species homo sapiens, are just a tick further evolved than men. That statement is usually met with sneers of derision from men (and affirmative head nods from women) until I list the facts: 

1. Women live longer than men. 

2. Women can handle pain better than men. 

3. Women regenerate blood and sinew faster than men. 

4. Women are all, to a certain extent, psychic (sorry, guys… you know it’s true). 

5. Women have an incredible level of sensitivity and intuition. 

6. Women can engage multiple layers of conscious thought streams simultaneously. 

7. Women have their reproductive organs on the inside of their bodies. 

8. WOMEN CAN GIVE BIRTH. 

9. Women have the ability to make men completely wall-eyed and stupid(er) with a simple word or deed. A push-up bra also puts men into full-tilt chimp mode (sorry, guys… you know it’s true). 

These are only a few of the the facts that IMHO establish women as the more-evolved of the species, as the people we single-minded testicle-dragging meatheads must offer as much deference to as possible. Conversely, these facts are also why, in almost every human society since the Stone Age, women have been oppressed to control their influence and quash their voice. In almost every religious doctrine now being practiced on this planet, women are treated as second-class, second-rate, second-in-line. Women have been cast as the lesser of the species, subject to the vagaries of their ‘stronger’ male counterparts, when in fact men have always oppressed women because they secretly feared the power of the uteri-laden. 

"For a woman to get half as much credit as a man, she has to work twice as hard, and be twice as smart. Fortunately, that isn't difficult.” -- Charlotte Whitton 

I'm reminded me of a favorite scene from the film ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, where patriarch Gus Portokalos, called out over another instance of his dunderheaded ways, pronounces “MAN… is the HEAD of the family!" As an aside, his wife tells their daughter, “The man may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck, and the neck can turn the head ANY WAY it wants to”. 

Soooo... now that you have a pretty good idea of where I stand on the issue of women's reproductive rights, you may be asking yourself what you can do about it  The answer is simple: SPEAK OUT. VOTE PRO-CHOICE. Don't stand by and allow the regressive theocrats to take another step towards the oppression of every American woman. Our wives, girlfriends, sisters, daughters, Mothers and friends need every voice to be raised in support of their singular and ongoing struggle to control their own lives, to be in charge of their individual futures. This isn't really a partisan political issue, although the battle lines do seem to be drawn in shades of bright Red and Blue. 

Sad to say, in the year 2022 we're still having a heated national argument over women's reproductive rights. I remain optmistic that we'll eventually reach a point of agreement/understanding on this issue, although it promises to be a knock-down drag-out battle in the upcoming primary and Presidential election seasons. I know this much: when it comes to the subject of women's rights, I'm a foot soldier on their behalf, ready to lead the conga line towards a more equal society. Come dance with me, won't you? 

"If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?" - anonymous bumper sticker

Click the links below to find out more about these issues:

National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL)

www.prochoiceamerica.org

Planned Parenthood

www.plannedparenthood.org

Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF)

ffrf.org

Lead image 'Crucified Woman' by Eric Drooker, Muchismas Gracias de globalvoicesonline.com; Garbage 'Sex Is Not The Enemy' and Monty Python 'Every Sperm Is Sacred' videos, gracias de youtube.com

El Viejo Con La Mascara de Tortilla (The Old Man in the Tortilla Mask)

 

Note: this fictional story was inspired by my Father.

CHAPTER ONE

El Viejo wasn't sure what was happening to him, but he knew it wasn't normal or like anything he'd experienced during his long life.

He was mystified and alarmed... but also surprised and grateful!

He'd been out on his property, harvesting the latest crop of wheat he'd grown from seeds gifted to him by an old farmer when he first arrived in the valley. He also grew pinto beans and Hatch chiles for the chile verde burritos he sold from his small shop that were a favorite among the locals and made all the abuelitas jealous.

He even milled the wheat into flour, using an ancient hand-operated stone mortar and pestle he'd found on a long-defunct local farm.

Lately though, he'd been feeling exhausted when he woke in the morning darkness, pulling himself out of bed while his wife snored. He wasn't used to feeling so old... so worn-out... so damned TIRED all the time. 

He sat drinking his first cup of coffee at the small kitchen table and realized he'd have to cut back on the huge amount of work it took to raise the food and run the shop. "What the hell is happening to me?" he thought. "I guess I'm just a worn-out old man... soon I won't even be able to make the tortilla flour."

All of this was running through his mind while he milled some of the wheat grain that morning.

He heard his wife call out to him from the back door of the house for some hot champurrado and fresh pan dulce. He stepped out of the mill shed, looked over and saw... a beautiful long-haired young woman standing there. He blinked his eyes, rubbed them hard and looked again, but she was still there. 

She shouted at him:"Entonces... que estas esperando, una invitacion firmada? Ven a buscar tus bocadillos o se los dare a los perros!" (Translation: "So... what are you waiting for, a signed invitation? Come and get your snacks or I'll give them to the dogs!")

He stared at her, trying to understand what he saw. This beautiful woman with long black hair and fiery Brown eyes was his wife as she looked when he first met her!

He was confused and captivated. He slowly walked up to this amazing creature and stood before her, looking her up and down without words.

Before this vision disappeared, he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her with a fervor he hadn't felt in years. For almost 30 seconds they kissed so passionately that when he finally released her, she took a step backwards and sat down heavily on the doorstep, her eyes wide and face flushed.

She looked up at him, standing in front of her with his leathery brown skin and wavy white hair and bristly salt-and-pepper moustache, dressed in his working whites, his hat cocked dangerously low on his forehead... and her eyes grew even wider.

He wolfed down the snacks as he stood there, never taking his eyes off the beautiful young woman, thinking he must be hallucinating or suffering from some kind of mad delusion.

He thanked her, turned and headed back into his milling shed. He didn't look back for fear she would disappear.

His mind reeled. What in the hell had just happened? How could his wife suddenly appear to him as a 16-year-old maiden? Was he losing his mind or having a stroke?

He went back to milling the wheat, his hands on the large wooden handle that turned the old wooden gears which slowly rotated the stone pestle. He was lost in thought, trying to understand the strange vision of his young wife, a woman he'd slept with most of his life!

He raised his eyes to see the morning light streaming through the shed's window, the fine flour dust in the air beautifully illuminated by the sun. He felt honored that his Lord had smiled on him enough to grant him such a beautiful day, a beautiful life... and a newly-beautiful wife, even if he knew her youthful appearance was only a mirage... an illusion... a trick played on his mind.

After he'd milled enough flour, it was time to start a batch of dough to make his daily dozens of fresh tortillas. In only a few hours his small shop would open to a line of patiently-waiting customers.

He emptied the freshly milled flour into a large bowl, picked it up and walked out of the shed... and was stopped by what he saw. The yard between his shed and kitchen, normally filled with chickens, was instead covered by dozens of tiny chicks scurrying around, peeping loudly. 

"None of my chickens has hatched any chicks", he thought to himself, "yet the yard is full of them!" He heard dogs barking and then saw three of them come running from behind the shed... but they were all puppies! They jumped and barked and chased the chicks, with El Viejo standing in the middle of it all, his mouth wide open.

All at once, he was gripped with a fear that he was going insane insane. "NO!", he said to himself out loud. "I'm not insane and I refuse to be insane!" With the large bowl of flour still in his hands, he looked straight ahead, walked into his kitchen and began preparing the tortilla dough.

Several hours had passed since his morning hallucinations, during which he'd made at least six dozen fresh tortillas, opened his shop and sold many burritos. He refreshed the simmering pot of burrito mix consisting of green chiles, potatos and steak, transferred a fresh pot of pinto beans onto the stovetop to begin slowly cooking for the next day, and made a few dozen more tortillas for the customers he knew would soon arrive on their way home from work.

As she did every day, his wife came through the kitchen door behind him with a fresh batch of meat to be cooked down for tomorrow's burrito mix. Without turning around, he felt her arms surrounding his waist and her gentle kiss on the back of his neck. 

"Mi amor", she whispered into his ear, "... parece que tuviste otro gran dia. Estoy muy orgulloso del trabajo que haces, trayendo tanta alegria a nuestra ciudad con tu deliciosa comida!" (Translation: "My love... it looks like you had yet another great day. I'm so proud of the work you do, bringing such joy to our town with your delicious food!")

He turned to embrace her and saw not the 16-year-old apparition, but the wrinkled face and ample figure of his wife of almost fifty years. He looked deeply into her eyes and gently kissed her, closing his eyes with relief that he was no longer hallucinating. It didn't matter that she was old and gray like him, because in his mind's eye she would always be the beautiful young bride of his dreams... the same one he'd seen that very morning!

TO BE CONTINUED...