As we hurtle at warp speed towards the Christmas holiday, there seems to be nothing more traditional than a family trip to the tree lot. Oh sure, some of you might wander into the local mountains to snatch a free-range tree, or even find a live tree lot near the homestead so you can enjoy the thrill of hacking a living thing away from its roots and watch it die in your living room. At least it'll look nice until New Years, RIGHT?
For most folks who observe this seasonal bacchanal, the local tree lot is where the holidays REALLY begin.
The Artist and I rarely host a formerly-live tree in our home, preferring instead to showcase an artistic creation/sculpture/installation of her design. Other than the occasional commentary piece, these 'trees' are a an exercise in pure artistic expression, inspired by how the hell should I know?
For the uninitiated, here's a link to her website that shows almost all the 'trees' she's designed since 1988:
Misguided Designs Christmas Trees
'Mother Nature' -- 2013
Her first creation, 1988's 'Ladder Tree', came about in the aftermath of a horrific auto accident and extended recuperation with the help of a halo brace screwed into her cranium and onto her body for three months. When the halo was finally removed in the Fall of '88, she was in no mood for the upcoming holiday and was inspired by an image in COSMOPOLITAN Magazine of a step ladder decorated for a tiny loft apartment Christmas.
That's how traditions begin, donchaknow?
I mention the tree thingie because, as life can be a convoluted and complex series of events, happenstance finds me working a part-time job evenings and weekends as a Lot Associate at that bastion of DIY-ism, The Home Depot.
Yep, I wear the Orange Apron, wrangle shopping carts and help people load and unload their stuff. Don't judge.
Now, I'm not thrilled at the idea of working a regular 40-hour a week job AND having to spend another 20 hours or so each week shagging carts and loading toilets. The truth is that we need the shekels and I'm grateful that I have the physical stamina and drive to do both gigs without too much fuss, at least for now.
Most of my Orange Apron cohorts at the store are really cool people and appreciate my bent sense of humor and manic energy. The fact that I get to interact with and help people out is a major warm fuzzy, keeping me motivated and upbeat, something my current day job definitely does not do.
And not only that, there's a large Christmas tree lot smack dab in the middle of the parking lot. On most of my shifts this month I've been helping out in the lot by netting trees, handing them out and loading/tying them onto vehicles.
This might seem like drudge work, but surprisingly enough I really LIKE working the tree lot... and not just because some people tip me after I've loaded and tied their tree up for the trip home.
Here's the thing: almost everyone who walks into the tree lot is... HAPPY. They're performing a traditional act that hearkens back to their youth. They're usually sharing this pine-scented task with loved ones... kids, parents, friends, significant others... and the result is walking away with an iconic holiday talisman that signals a benchmark of tradition.
I know... they're just trees, but they MEAN SOMETHING, dammit.
And for me, being in the thrall of double-job 65-hour work weeks and knowing how much The Artist misses me being home evenings and weekends... the Home Depot tree lot has filled me with a surprising amount of Christmas Spirit!
I know many people place heavy religious emphasis on 'The Reason For The Season', but that dogmatic rationale doesn't have any bearing on my love of the holidays. I revel in the idea that at least for a short time at the end of each year, people are generally nicer to each other... more forgiving, more understanding, more empathetic, more compassionate.
I know... they're mostly temporary interpersonal conditions, but they MEAN SOMETHING, dammit!
My Home Depot gig has helped me to feel more connected to people at a time in my life when I really need that kind of positivity, and for THAT I am thankful.
When I take 5 minutes to tie a tree onto the roof of someone's beater Honda or murdered Escalade and they're genuinely grateful and appreciative for my Boy Scout knot-tying skills, it fills me with Stupid Happy.
When an elderly couple holds hands and smile big while I load 10 bags of mulch into the trunk of their Lexus, I'm glad I was the one who got to perform that task.
When I help a carpenter load a full cart of 2 x 4's onto the rack of his truck, maybe saving him 20 minutes on a very long day, I know he'll use those saved minutes to make this country great... and I think you know what I mean.
I also know that when I finally land that far-better full-time day job, I'll most assuredly hang up my Orange Apron, but it will be with no small amount of regret because in just a short time, I've been given so much more than an hourly wage.
And as I joked about back in 2018, when I take my fully-vested retirement in just a couple of years, I will be pleased and proud to un-retire the apron and once again be that HD Lot Geek... the one who sings while pushing around carts and picks up trash and never EVER lets someone load a new toilet by themselves.
I Am That Lot Geek. Don't judge.
The 12 Boy Scout Laws: A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, Reverent.
Lead image, Gracias de Google Images; 'Mother Nature' tree image, Muchismas Gracias de Misguided Designs; Hoodoo Gurus 'Little Drummer Boy' video, Gracias de You Tube; Feliz Navidad y Prospero Ano!!!
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