Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Dear Mr. President...



Dear Mr. President,

I don’t know you personally, nor am I a psychologist or trained in human behavior, so the following observations are based strictly on your public persona, my interpretations of you as a public figure, and my own understanding of people.

I am an American citizen of Mexican heritage, born in East Los Angeles, California to parents who were also born in the United States.

I consider myself to be a member of the middle-class. I have some college education, have worked hard since I was 16 years old, am lucky to own a nice home and enjoy a long and successful marriage.

My personal and emotional foundation was formed as the result of the strict, disciplined and engaged parenting I received, as a child and a teenager, from my Father and many of my relatives. That kind of upbringing is typical of almost all Mexican-American families, and I’ve always been grateful for that good start on my life’s journey.

I was raised in a home where my Father was responsible for single-parenting my younger Brother and me, a role he never envisioned for himself. Although we never had much money, we were always well cared-for and Dad made Boy Scouts a central part of my youth, a gift for which I can never thank him enough.

With the help of Dad and Scouting, I learned the basics tenets of decency, empathy and compassion towards others that still resonate with me today, as embodied by the Twelve Scout Laws:

“A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent.”

To this very day, I live my life striving to achieve the benchmarks of positive humanity as outlined in those twelve laws. They have never steered me wrong.

The question I have is this: where did YOU go wrong?

Much has been spoken and written about what motivates you to display the kind of negative, divisive and demeaning behavior you do as an adult and the leader of our Nation. There's many opinions about the parenting you received and the wealth and privilege you were born into, and how that all shaped your adult mindset.

Whether a janitor, a warehouse worker, a business executive, a puppeteer, an astronaut, a waitress or a politician, we all have a learned set of internal guidelines that help us get through our adult days and (hopefully) will not result with winding up in the hospital or in jail.

Those learned internal guidelines are cemented into our behaviors. Sometimes we must break them apart and reassemble them in ways that will allow us to be successful adults. Sometimes, even though we try our hardest, nothing can change those behaviors, no matter how hard we try.

Not changing bad personal behaviors doesn’t necessarily mean a person wouldn’t be a successful adult, but it does mean that person will never truly be all they can be.

It’s part of being a complicated humanoid in the 21st Century. 

The thing that most puzzles me about you, apart from our diametrically opposed politics, is how you seem to embody the worst traits of human behavior which any normal functioning adult would have long since shed, especially for someone of your age and education and status. 

My guess is that you behave the way you do because you’ve never experienced a normal life… a normal existence… the kind of life that the vast majority of Americans deal with on a daily basis.

You were born into wealth and privilege. I'd reckon you never once spent a day (or perhaps even a minute) having to think about food or shelter or clothing, worrying about paying for tuition or childcare or health insurance. You were given every advantage money could buy, sent to the finest schools, were fronted a million dollars by your Father to start your first business and bailed out by him several times when your business acumen failed.

That entitled upbringing gifted you with the ability to avoid dealing with life’s harsh realities. It also allowed you to develop a sense of superiority over all others, which is how things often work for the wealthiest among us. That superiority breeds hubris and antipathy towards those whom you feel are ‘lessers’ and the resulting lack of human compassion and empathy they deserve.

There’s a modern word for the malady that I firmly believe you suffer from: 

Affluenza.

Wikipedia notes that Affluenza can be defined as ‘a quasi-illness… an inability to understand the consequences of one’s actions because of financial privilege.’ I would suggest this condition has been a part of your life from the very beginning and has ingrained itself so deeply and completely in your soul that you're literally blind to the effects it has on you.

I don’t blame you for the parenting you received… no one can, for themselves or for others. It would seem that you are who you were raised to be, but therein lies the problem.

As we become adults, slogging our way through the emotional turmoil of maturity and responsibility, we have two paths forward: continue on with the emotional tool kit we collected through childhood and adolescence, or re-tool and revise our tool kit to deal with the realities of adulthood.

Clearly, you chose the former and it worked well-enough because of your special stature as a wealthy while male… someone who received every break and entitlement and privilege available.

What you didn’t learn, as indicated by your behavior as an adult, are the critically important foundational traits of decency, empathy and compassion towards others. In your words and actions, you seem to lack even the basic knowledge of what it means to be anything other than what you are: a self-centered and narcissistic Master of the Universe.

A person with no concept of what it means to struggle to survive.

A person who has most likely never cleaned a bathroom, mowed a lawn, shopped for groceries or rode a bus to work.

A person who looks down on others who don’t share your social standing, your heritage, your financial success or your idea of what Americans are supposed to be.

A person who freely insults, denigrates and diminishes anyone who you feel doesn't live up to your self-defined levels of success and patriotism.

It would be very easy to dismiss your divisive and destructive behavior if you were just another fabulously wealthy and powerful media  personality, but you're not. You're the President of The United States, and although you seem not to realize it, the rest of the World looks to you as an example of American ideals, morals and leadership.

And therein lies my problem with you.

Your actions... your words... your behavior... your demeanor... are all hallmarks of a spoiled child. It seems your maturity level has never risen above that of a 7-year-old who refuses to eat his vegetables, clean his room or play nicely with others.

I know this much: if I displayed any of your behaviors when I was growing up, you can bet that I'd catch a belt whipping from my Dad that would leave welts which faded only after several days. I also know that if I acted in the same childish and immature manner as an adult like you do, I'd have been fired from most of the jobs I've held and certainly wouldn't still be married to the same amazing woman for 34 years.

So once again, I ask the question: where did you go wrong?

Have you ever even once in your entire life questioned your personal behavior as it relates to others? Has it ever occurred to you that normal adults don't actively insult and demean others without consequences? 

Most importantly, does it ever bother you to know that your son Barron is watching every single negative and insulting thing you say and do and is learning from your example?

No... I didn't think so.

Your supporters always dismiss and rationalize your aberrant behavior by saying, 'Well... his remarks and behavior aren't helpful but I hope he'll turn down the rhetoric and start to act more Presidential.'

That's a lie. They know you're incapable of changing your behavior and are just making excuses for you.  No one should have any allusions about you magically changing stripes at this time in your life.

But you're a grown man with a teenage son, so if you have even a shred of decency or compassion, please... think about what your behavior is teaching your son. Think about how you could be creating someone with the same stilted, inhumane and indecent feelings towards others that you seem to be so proud of.

It's obvious what happened to your older children, who seem to be the same kind of awful human beings as you are. 

But Barron is still young enough to work with and save.

Think about Barron, if you can.

We as a Nation can vote you out of office, and I hope with every fiber in my being that you'll be swept out of power in November. But Barron... he's stuck with you for the duration, so for his sake you owe him at least the chance to grow up with a Father he can look up to... can be proud of... can aspire to emulate. 

Someone who respects others, who can offer understanding and empathy and compassion without regard for their differences. Someone with a sense of decency and humanity, irrespective of their station in life or their heritage or their philosophy.

Don't let Barron suffer the same fate as an adult that you and your other children have... only you can do that for him. Otherwise, he'll become exactly what you've raised him to be... an adult just like you.

Can you do it?


No... I didn't think so.


Lead image, Gracias de Google Images; CSNY 'Teach Your Children' video, Muchismas Gracis de YouTube; Vote Blue in November.

12 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, Sergio... that means a lot to me!

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  2. Yes, excellent essay. A short version would make an excellent campaign commercial.

    However: Trump has portrayed his inheritance as spare change adding up to a million dollars, but actually in part by later cheating his siblings he actually got probably a few hundred times that much, and while his father was alive he reportedly bought millions in chips at a Trump casino in order to keep it afloat.

    And the author reports being beaten by his father as a deterrent to subsequent bad behavior, without any mentioning judgement about it. Beating children (or anyone) is a horrible, unacceptable, and counterproductive method of discipline that belongs in history. There are far better ways of raising correctly behaving children. Children aren't slaves and slavery has been over (finally) in the US for a century and a half.

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    1. Thanks for the response, most appreciated!

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  3. Great essay. From reports it was trump's alcoholic racist KKK father Fred who taught him to "never trust anyone" and "always get your revenge" on supposed enemies. Because of his father he never had a chance to be anything but the monster he is and he is perpetuating that child abuse with Barron as he did with Uday and Quesy.

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    1. Thanks for the response... it's a negative cycle that each of us must battle and break is it is part of our upbringing.

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  4. You laid it all out. He won't read it, of course, and if he did (or had it read to him), he'd dismiss it summarily. He's incapable of that sort of introspection.

    But everything you said is right on.

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    1. Thanks, Doctor... it means a great deal to me that you get my drift on this, I admire your work and you're a touchstone for me.

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  5. The author's father assaulted him. He needs a therapist to help him get over it. After that he can concern himself with other people's parenting.

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    1. Agreed... but unless and until people are screened for parenting skills and counseled before they procreate, this kind of parental malpractice will be a part of our society unless messed-up adults get themselves straightened out. A conundrum, for sure.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Perfectly said.....thanks for re-posting this Bob.

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