Orange Apron Confidential #2

Pandemic Polka

These are interesting times to be a Lot Geek at Home Depot, with The Galloping Crud lurking everywhere and the social tension thick enough to cut with a Milwaukee SawZall. The good news is that most people are in an upbeat 'be nicer to each other' mood, similar to the social atmosphere during the holidays. 

I always wished we could have that same holiday feeling year-round, but the circumstances for that phenomenon now suck pretty badly. Still... I'll take it.

With that in mind, I'd like to offer my humble suggestions for anyone who finds themselves needing to shop for essentials during this time of Crud Avoidance:

1. Please... dispose of your used sanitary wipes, face masks and latex gloves properly. Do not (I repeat) DO NOT discard these items inside the shopping baskets or (worse) simply drop them onto the parking lot. Don't be a fucking pig, OK?

Discarded latex gloves have become a hallmark of these pandemic times, and it also shows an incredible lack of consideration for others (like ME) who have to go around picking up your cootie-laden crap. Leaving your shopping basket in the middle of a handicapped parking space is bad enough; dropping your (possibly) virulent trash on the ground is not only littering, it's UNSAFE AND POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS.

BTW, a discarded clear latex glove looks exactly like a huge used condom.

Ew.

If you can't find a trash can close by, just dump those items in your trunk and dispose of them when you get home. Show some empathy for others and we'll all be better off.

2. Don't be a line asshole. We all know it sucks to have to wait in lines to shop for essentials like bondage gear, razor blades or wolverine chow. The lines also seem longer because of the six-foot social distancing mandates. Keeping a cool head while in the cue is really important, because people are generally a bit nervous right now anyway. 

If you get antsy and impatient and start complaining or yelling at the store personnel who meter customers through the front door, you have marked yourself as a CoronaAsshole and will have rightly earned the derision of others in line.

When one my my co-workers prevented a guy from cutting the line and going directly in the store, the guy lost his shpadoinkle and screamed "YOU BITCH!!" at her. She calmly told him to go to the end of the line or get the hell out of the parking lot.

It was a long slow walk to the end of that line heh heh heh.

3. Pay attention to the 6-foot spacing.  Everyone should assume they're infected since there's no NO MASS TESTING yet (sigh... facepalm). That way you'll be more aware of making sure to steer clear of others in every situation while you search for that new bondage gear.

4. Wear a face covering, dammit!!!! No one looks cool in a face mask, and those of us who choose to wear a bandanna look like insane cowboy bank robbers (The Artist says I should wear a cowboy hat too... she's funny!). Stop worrying about how you look and cover your face in a sign of cooperation and and consideration for others.  Remember: assume you're infected and it will be more meaningful.

5. Be nice to your cashiers. You have no idea how much hassle and grief the cashiers and checkers go through to help you buy a 25-pound bag of wolverine chow. Also too, since you're likely infected (right?) it's also potentially dangerous for them to help you and that's a hard bargain for the $12.50 an hour cashiers get to face off with your uncovered mug. 

There are more pandemic behaviors you could adopt, but you get the picture. If you assume you're already virulent, all these suggestions will be easier to keep top-of-mind. Of course, YOU aren't virulent (are you?) but none of us know who the carriers are because NO MASS TESTING (sigh... facepalm).

Orange Auto Show

Here's some images of the cool cars I've seen lately in the HD parking lot. No rhyme nor reason nor particular order... I just like 'em. Pardon the poor image quality of my ancient dumb phone.

1966 Ford Thunderbird Convertible -- not concourse perfect but a beautiful wire-wheeled ride nonetheless. The Geezer driver had owned it for decades and was wearing wraparound shades.

1968 Oldsmobile Cutlass 442 Convertible -- almost perfect condition, really stunning car.The Dude-bro owner had it for 3 years and just finished his restoration. The engine loped like a monster and he romped on it when he left the lot. Guys... amirite?

1974 Cadillac Coupe de Ville -- the millenial Latino couple were taking pictures of their short when I showed up with my dumb phone, just a sweet sled that suited them perfectly. The whitewalls were awesome.

1974 Chevrolet El Camino -- two-tone yellow and white, Cragars, lifted in the rear. A high school wet dream ride.

1974 Porsche 912 Targa -- gorgeous little car that totally overshadowed the new Black Porsche 996 parked just a few spaces away. Steve McQueen drove a similar car in the film 'Le Mans'.

1980 Dodge Ram -- this goat roper was literally flawless, the owner's Dad had bought it new and the Son had restored it to better than new. Even the custom bed cover and spare carrier were OEM factory options.

1967 Pontiac GTO -- another classic that was obviously a daily driver, not perfect but very beautiful. The body color and vintage American mags were exactly the right combination.

2002 Ford E-250 Zombie Apocalypse Van -- this image doesn't do it justice... festooned with lights, rocket launchers and assorted weaponry. The owner also has a Mercedes 4-door Sedan that's decked out in the same fashion and says his car customization the only hobby his wife will let him enjoy. Totally nuts and awesome, it was surrounded by admirers.

Zen Lumber

Now that HD is closing every night at 6pm (my usual arrival time), my job functions have shifted dramatically. I still wind up clearing the lot of carts and baskets, but it seems that now I've become the person mostly responsible for power-washing all the carts and baskets every evening so they'll be freshly disinfected for the next day. I don't mind at all, and it totally beats fronting product shelves.

Once I've finished the de-crudding, more often than not I'm asked to 'flat-stack' the lumber area, which involves straightening out the piles of wood that shoppers annihilate every day. The purpose of flat-stacking is two-fold: reset the wood so it's easier to search through and improve the appearance of the lumber area.

Heh heh heh... I said 'wood'.

It's a task not many people are willing to do, but I enjoy it. There's something very satisfying about starting at one end of the lumber aisle and flat-stacking everything within sight so that when finished, the lumber and wood stacks are clean and neat, a visual confirmation of actual physical work.

Don't kid yourself... it really is work, and I get sweaty real fast from the effort. Also too, if I don't concentrate the result is a massively bonked head or a dropped 8 x 8 on my hand or foot, so I gotta pay attention.

The other factor is that the task is strangely calming, prolly because I can let my brain shift into Neutral while I'm moving wood around. I find myself reaching an almost zen state of mind with the repetition, moving from one stack to the next, working steadily all by myself. It's amazing how much wood I can move in an hour, and seeing the results that are at once wholly transient yet strangely gratifying is a weird sensation.

Plus, I really like the aroma of freshly-stacked lumber.  Who knew?

Coda

Once again, I'm struck with the realization that my part-time HD gig offers more than just some extra shekels during our Global Pandemic Polka. It's a great way to feel relevant in uncertain times and stay connected (yet socially distanced) from other people who are also just trying to find their way through this unnerving crisis.

The overwhelming good nature that most people display is heartening. That we have a collective desire to help make things better for each other gives me hope for our post-Crud future, even though we'll be covering our faces for much longer than anyone thinks.

I've opined before that the human race resembles a virulent infection covering the surface of our Mother Earth, sucking up the life force while leaving devastation, destruction and death in its wake.

It doesn't have to be that way, and we know it. Our brush with Covid-19 should help us to see more clearly that we're all just Bozos on this collective bus, and we gotta be better stewards of our planet so we can keep tweaking each other's noses.

The question is: how far are we willing to go to make our future worth living on this spinning Blue Marble?

"The Earth is just too small and fragile a basket for the human race to keep all its eggs in." -- Robert A. Heinlein






Lead image, Gracias de Google images; car images, courtesia de Oblio: 'Big Yellow Taxi' y 'Polka Never Dies' videos, Muchismas Gracias de YouTube. WASH YOUR HANDS!!!!

"That Is Not My Dog."

I like dogs. Dogs are cool.  

For some reason, dogs are generally drawn to me in a way which can surprise their owners.

"Wow", they'll say... "Spartacus normally doesn't like ANYONE but he seemed to like you enough not to rip you to shreds when you tried to pet him!"

Thanks, Spartacus.

I mention this up front because my next statement tends to piss off dog owners: I really really DO NOT like it when people bring their dogs into places where I'm shopping. This has become a real issue with me lately, and dog owners are aghast and offended when I say how much I wish they'd left Spartacus (or Muffy or Champ or Weensie) at home or in the car instead of dragging them into the store where I'm at.

I remember about fifteen years ago when this phenomenon first became visible here in Orange County (CA) at a notoriously high-end outdoor shopping mall in Newport Beach. First one store, then another and another, starting putting out bowls of water for animals being walked by their owners.

OK, fine... that seems reasonable for the pet owners walking their expensive purebred hounds at an outdoor mall. 

Over time, the water bowls were placed inside the store entrances as a way to get the owners inside the store.  Then all of a sudden, people were bringing their dogs with them while they shopped.

I was horrified at this turn of events.

When did it become OK for people to bring dogs into stores? Once again, I understand a retail shop trying to get customers with dogs into the store, but what about the rest of us?

I'm standing in the 'Just Socks' aisle looking for some wool lederhosen and in you walk with your Doberman (or Chihuahua or Dachshund) on a leash, oblivious to the fact that I may not like dogs or may be allergic to dogs or, even worse, that you dog may not like me or my smell.

I don't know you or your dog, and your dog certainly doesn't know me. What makes you think your dog won't walk by me, dislike something about my clothing or scent or proximity, freak out and bite me?

You don't know and you won't be able to stop them. And that's the problem.

Oh sure... Muffy would NEEEEVER bite someone! She's a good dog!

But Muffy is a dog, and sometimes dogs simply don't like someone and if that person is close enough, the biting begins.



While working my part-time Lot Geek gig at The Home Depot, I notice that many customers bring their dogs of all sizes into the store, which the store seems to be OK with. What gets me are those who put dogs into the shopping baskets, with some actually putting a blanket or dog bed into the basket and then placing Weensie in there too.

If there was ever a reason to regularly disinfect shopping baskets, dog blankets/beds/ass would be one of them

So... OK, I get it.  People love their dogs and take them almost everywhere. But dogs aren't universally loving of other humans, and sometimes they'll chomp down on an unsuspecting human's hand and then a very awkward situation begins. That's because they're DOGS. 

I use the 'dog bites man for no apparent reason' example to highlight the fact that sometimes, humans react to other humans just like dogs do (heh heh heh... dog doo... get it?).

Sometimes, a human simply does not like another human, and for no apparent reason. I recently came face-to-face with this situation in the office where I worked for eight months before getting laid off due to a business downturn.

I'd only been working there a few weeks when they hired a guy temporarily to be our truck driver. He was the future son-in-law of the company CFO and was living with his fiancee' in the CFO's home. The guy had been chronically unemployed, having been fired from a local petting zoo, Home Depot and Disneyland (I swear this is true).

When we initially engaged, he seemed strangely quiet and standoffish, which the CFO said was his normal M.O. as he was very shy and reserved.

However, after a few weeks of putting on my best 'supportive co-worker' face, he wouldn't speak to me and was becoming uncooperative and antagonistic, not consulting me on projects that were my responsibility and going instead to his future Mother-in-law (FMIL) for guidance.

The guy simply did not like me. No reason, no rationale... he never spoke to me. Somehow he'd decided I was the enemy and he would refuse to engage or even acknowledge my existence. The kidz call that 'cancelling out' or 'ghosting' someone... he'd walk in and I'd say "Good Morning" and he'd walk right by, looking straight ahead, ignoring my greeting as if I was invisible.

Very weird.

Then one morning, our off-site Office Manager (I know, I know) requested that I inspect the day's deliveries once the driver had loaded the truck because there'd been 'problems'. I asked the driver to please delay his departure until I had a chance to review the load. 

He went berserk.

He started yelling that there was no reason for me to check his load, and when I told him I was only following orders, he called me a liar. When I climbed up into the truck to begin the inspection, he screamed:

"I DON'T LIKE YOU!! I DON'T LIKE WORKING WITH YOU!! I HATE YOU!! I DON'T RESPECT YOU!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

I asked him please to tell me why he felt that way. Instead of answering, he raced back into the office to complain to his FMIL. I finished my inspection, went inside and while he was complaining away, told him the load looked great and thanks for waiting. He glared at me and left without a word.

A few minutes later, I went in and explained to the CFO what had happened and that I had tried everything possible to engage with the driver.  She said it was inexplicable and that she'd try to reason with him.

That's the last time she ever mentioned it.

Over the final months I spent employed there, the driver's immature behavior caused us all lots of extra work and effort because he refused to follow office protocol for documentation and reporting. His behavior only got worse, so when we lost a million-dollar client and I was told I'd be laid off, I was actually very relieved.

I'll bet he's still working there, also too.

Because I have lots of miles on my odometer, I never once sank to his level of behavior, antagonism or immaturity. I never yelled at or argued with him, was always upbeat and supportive, and did my level-best to make the best of a horrific situation. In the end, it didn't matter but at least I KNOW that I tried, dammit... at least I tried.

What DID bother me was that never... not even once... in my professional career had I encountered a negative co-worker situation that I wasn't able to diffuse and turn around. In fact, I've had the ability to gain the trust of co-workers who were otherwise reviled by everyone else, a gift that I've always been thankful for.

Our current National 2020 Viral Semi-Apocalypse is creating a shit-ton of misery for most regular 'Murricans. One positive side-effect is that for the most part, people standing in lines to buy toilet paper are in upbeat moods, open and talkative across the 6-foot 'social-distancing prerogative', and exuding the classic 'We're all in this together' spirit that gives me faith in human nature.

I know there have been reports of clashes in cues and guns drawn over who gets the last of the Charmin, but overall we hoomans are getting along pretty damned good, helping others in need and lifting each other up when necessary.

We can continue biting each other later... for now, I'll pet Spartacus without fear and be grateful for a shelf full of butt-wipe.

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." -- Herm Albright



Lead image, Gracias de Google Images; 'Inspector Clouseau' and 'The Stooges' videos, Muchismas Gracias de YouTube.

Orange Apron Confidential

Snapshots from the Home Depot parking lot.

Let's Get Loaded

Sometimes I wonder if people arrive at HD with any idea of what they'll wind up walking out with. Here's a few of the more unusual load-outs I've seen:

1. A young-ish couple exits the store with a 12-ft long roll of carpeting, about 3 feet in diameter, on two rolling carts. She hangs with us while he goes out to grab their car... we Lot Geeks joke that he'll drive up in a Prius.

HE DRIVES UP IN A PRIUS.

Seeing the looks on our faces, she says 'Don't worry... he hauls all kinds of giant stuff in his car. He brought home a huge exercise machine in it last week. He'll make it fit." Sure enough, he pops the hatch, lowers half of the the rear seat back, fully reclines the passenger seat (my idea) and we proceed to insert that carpet roll into the car. It gets shoved up against the windshield with only about two feet hanging out of the rear! We're gobsmacked. We tie down the hatch, she gets into the rear seat and they drive away.

2. I get a radio call from the Garden Center to assist a customer with a load-out. A minute later I'm looking at a cart with 50 concrete pavers that the very nice older lady wants me to load into the back seat of her obviously new White Maserati Ghibli. I ask about the trunk and she says the trunk is full so the pavers gotta go into the back seat.  The Italian luxo-sedan Beige leather back seat, that is.

I rustle up some thick clear plastic sheeting and proceed to line the rear seat back, cushion, door panels and floors with the stuff. I even scrounge up some cardboard to place on the seat back and cushion underneath the plastic sheet. Then... gingerly... I start stacking the pavers first in the footwells, then the seat, making sure they're nested so they don't slide around. I decide to also drape plastic on the backside of the front seats... just in case.

After about 10 minutes of mega-careful stacking, the pavers are loaded and the lady seems happy with the result. She tips me $5, jumps into her White Maser and drives off. I'm a wreck about it but then decide not to worry... I mean, it's HER car, right?

3. I'm shagging carts one evening and see an older guy come out of the store, balancing two long sheets of Masonite on a shopping cart and heading out to his dark Green Camry. I snag some carts from the far side of the lot and bring them to the corral near the Green Camry and notice him still trying to load the Masonite into his car. I ask if he needs some help and he politely declines. As I'm hustling more carts around, I keep an eye on him... he tries the rear seat, front seat and the trunk, no dice... the sheets are too long.

After about 20 minutes, he gets out a flashlight and starts looking around inside the trunk and rear seating area. I finally walk over to him and ask again if I can help, and he says yes. I reach up inside the trunk and pull the rear seat back release, which pops the entire rear seat back down, allowing the Masonite sheets to slide into the trunk and finally fit inside so the trunk lid can be lowered. The man is almost giddy.

He says "I knew there was a way to do that, but I've had this car for almost 10 years and never needed to lower the seat back, so I couldn't figure out how to do it!" I tell him the rear seat back releases are semi-hidden up inside the trunk and are hard to find, even in the daytime, that he was on the right track and would have found the release eventually. He thanks me, shakes my hand vigorously, slowly gets in his car and drives away.

Lost and Found

Here's a partial list of some items I've found discarded in the HD lot:

Giant empty glass bottle of cheap whiskey, tossed into the hedges.

Dozens of mini-plastic booze bottles.

Plastic water bottles filled with urine.

Plastic shopping bag heavy with human feces (trust me, I knew it without even looking inside).

Partially-eaten tamales from Der Wienerschnitzel.

Partially-eaten chicken from Popeye's.

Banana peels... everywhere!

Cigarette butts... everywhere!

Water bottle caps... everywhere!

Dozens and dozens of plastic water bottles and aluminum cans.

USB cords.

Used work gloves.

Used rubber gloves.

A Black two-drawer file cabinet.

A power washer, complete with wand, hose and filled with fuel.

Giant overstuffed bags of garbage.

Three perfectly good ladders.

Two giant dog beds.

Hair scrunchies.

A mini-fridge.

AA batteries, usually flattened

A basket filled with new hand tools still in their packaging, likely pilfered from the store and abandoned.

Miscellaneous trimmings from 2 x 4's, drywall, tile and other building materials that were left after being hacked off of freshly-purchased goods being prepped in the lot before going into the truck and out to the jobsite.

NO DIAPERS... so far.

A small hardened mountain of cement that resembles the Devil's Tower from the movie 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'. Someone had spilled a whole bag of cement onto the lot, didn't clean it up and the ensuing rain turned it into a solid eroded monolith. It's sill there.

The list goes on and on. I guess many customers are OK with dumping their crap out into the lot before they leave.  Who knew?

The Birds

During many of my evening shifts, there are hundreds of crows that fly near the lot on their way to favorite overnight local nesting sites before darkness falls. Last night was different.  At around 4:30pm, I noticed huge flocks (murders?) of crows flying in from all directions and circling directly above the lot, alighting in trees all around the lot and the adjacent greenbelt.

Over the next hour, literally thousands of crows were crowding all the trees, walking on the asphalt lot to pick at food scraps, spinning in the air overhead, lined up on the HD building facade, crowding on top of building roofs across the street... they were everywhere! Even some of the customers would stop to look at the huge cloud of beautiful black birds. The sound of thousands of crows all 'cawing' at the same time was mesmerizing.

I was in heaven, because I love crows.

There was an ebb and flow going on. One minute, the crows would be mostly all stationary, noisily cawing out to each other.  Then all of a sudden, a huge murder would swoop up into the air all at once, boiling out of trees and dive-bombing each other like so many fighter jets.

One hour later, they were all gone.  I cannot WAIT until the next time this happens.

Bitchin' Cars

Here's a partial list of some bitchin' cars I've seen parked in the HD lot:

1969 Corvette LS454, Dark Green with Rallye wheels, totally original.

2019 Ferrari GT Lusso, Dark Gray, brand-spankin' new.

1972 Ford Ranger XLT pick-up, two-tone Silver/Black, giant chrome alloys, totally restored by the son of the original owner.

1974 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser station wagon, Light Green with alloys, 45k miles, stainless steel exhaust, perfect interior, gorgeous.

1955 Chevrolet Bel-Air hot rod, street slicks, alloys, hood scoop, flared rear fenders, 'push bar' bumpers front and rear, 4-speed, partially-open headers, nasty and rasty street machine.

1972 Volkswagen Westfalia camper van, Red/White, 100% restored.

1965 Ford Mustang Coupe hot rod, alloys and meats, Bright Yellow with yellow dice hanging from the inside rear-view mirror, 4-speed, muffled headers.

1967 MG MGB GT, British Racing Green, spoke wheels, excellent condition, broken down in the lot, owner waited almost 3 hours for a friend to rescue him.

*********************************************************

Although it's only a part-time job, my HD gig gives me much more than the hourly wage. I never thought I'd be thanking HD Founder Bernie Marcus, a hard-core Conservative Republican, for anything... but Thanks, Bernie!

Lead image, Gracias de Google Images; Cake 'Alpha Beta Parking Lot' video, Muchismas Gracias de YouTube.

To Tree or Not To Tree

As we hurtle at warp speed towards the Christmas holiday, there seems to be nothing more traditional than a family trip to the tree lot. Oh sure, some of you might wander into the local mountains to snatch a free-range tree, or even find a live tree lot near the homestead so you can enjoy the thrill of hacking a living thing away from its roots and watch it die in your living room. At least it'll look nice until New Years, RIGHT?

For most folks who observe this seasonal bacchanal, the local tree lot is where the holidays REALLY begin. 

The Artist and I rarely host a formerly-live tree in our home, preferring instead to showcase an artistic creation/sculpture/installation of her design. Other than the occasional commentary piece, these 'trees' are a an exercise in pure artistic expression, inspired by how the hell should I know?

For the uninitiated, here's a link to her website that shows almost all the 'trees' she's designed since 1988:

                              Misguided Designs Christmas Trees

                                             
                                                   'Mother Nature' -- 2013

Her first creation, 1988's 'Ladder Tree', came about in the aftermath of a horrific auto accident and extended recuperation with the help of a halo brace screwed into her cranium and onto her body for three months. When the halo was finally removed in the Fall of '88, she was in no mood for the upcoming holiday and was inspired by an image in COSMOPOLITAN Magazine of a step ladder decorated for a tiny loft apartment Christmas.

That's how traditions begin, donchaknow?

I mention the tree thingie because, as life can be a convoluted and complex series of events, happenstance finds me working a part-time job evenings and weekends as a Lot Associate at that bastion of DIY-ism, The Home Depot.

Yep, I wear the Orange Apron, wrangle shopping carts and help people load and unload their stuff. Don't judge.

Now, I'm not thrilled at the idea of working a regular 40-hour a week job AND having to spend another 20 hours or so each week shagging carts and loading toilets. The truth is that we need the shekels and I'm grateful that I have the physical stamina and drive to do both gigs without too much fuss, at least for now.

Most of my Orange Apron cohorts at the store are really cool people and appreciate my bent sense of humor and manic energy. The fact that I get to interact with and help people out is a major warm fuzzy, keeping me motivated and upbeat, something my current day job definitely does not do.

And not only that, there's a large Christmas tree lot smack dab in the middle of the parking lot. On most of my shifts this month I've been helping out in the lot by netting trees, handing them out and loading/tying them onto vehicles.

This might seem like drudge work, but surprisingly enough I really LIKE working the tree lot... and not just because some people tip me after I've loaded and tied their tree up for the trip home.

Here's the thing: almost everyone who walks into the tree lot is... HAPPY. They're performing a traditional act that hearkens back to their youth. They're usually sharing this pine-scented task with loved ones... kids, parents, friends, significant others... and the result is walking away with an iconic holiday talisman that signals a benchmark of tradition.


I know... they're just trees, but they MEAN SOMETHING, dammit.

And for me, being in the thrall of double-job 65-hour work weeks and knowing how much The Artist misses me being home evenings and weekends... the Home Depot tree lot has filled me with a surprising amount of Christmas Spirit!

I know many people place heavy religious emphasis on 'The Reason For The Season', but that dogmatic rationale doesn't have any bearing on my love of the holidays. I revel in the idea that at least for a short time at the end of each year, people are generally nicer to each other... more forgiving, more understanding, more empathetic, more compassionate.

I know... they're mostly temporary interpersonal conditions, but they MEAN SOMETHING, dammit!

My Home Depot gig has helped me to feel more connected to people at a time in my life when I really need that kind of positivity, and for THAT I am thankful.

When I take 5 minutes to tie a tree onto the roof of someone's beater Honda or murdered Escalade and they're genuinely grateful and appreciative for my Boy Scout knot-tying skills, it fills me with Stupid Happy.

When an elderly couple holds hands and smile big while I load 10 bags of mulch into the trunk of their Lexus, I'm glad I was the one who got to perform that task.

When I help a carpenter load a full cart of 2 x 4's onto the rack of his truck, maybe saving him 20 minutes on a very long day, I know he'll use those saved minutes to make this country great... and I think you know what I mean.

I also know that when I finally land that far-better full-time day job, I'll most assuredly hang up my Orange Apron, but it will be with no small amount of regret because in just a short time, I've been given so much more than an hourly wage.

And as I joked about back in 2018, when I take my fully-vested retirement in just a couple of years, I will be pleased and proud to un-retire the apron and once again be that HD Lot Geek... the one who sings while pushing around carts and picks up trash and never EVER lets someone load a new toilet by themselves.

I Am That Lot Geek. Don't judge.

The 12 Boy Scout Laws:  A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, Reverent.



Lead image, Gracias de Google Images; 'Mother Nature' tree image, Muchismas Gracias de Misguided Designs; Hoodoo Gurus 'Little Drummer Boy' video, Gracias de You Tube; Feliz Navidad y Prospero Ano!!!